Modern Hymns and Poetry for Hermes

A Tragic Comedy in Saffron
by Andrew Bayless
No! No! No! This can’t be happening right now!
Why didn’t you duck?! Were you so busy admiring my beautiful form that you forgot yours was mortal?!
Stupid boy!  One head was so filled that you forgot to use the other one.  You stupid, idiotic, handsome…, beautiful…, sexy, wonderful boy…
Oh Krokos, my beloved Krokos! You loved me with the entirety of your being.
I will always remember fondly the feeling of those lovely petals that were your lips on mine.
A night will not pass where I won’t think of that noise you would make when we would bond in the manliest of unions.  My tool digging into your soil like a gardener.
I wish I was holding you in a loving embrace with one head filled with blood but now your head is emptied by the hateful quoit!  Your beautiful mind is scattered like barley!  Your blood is a crimson rain upon this earth!
Oh Krokos, I have destroyed your beauty!  Like a child, I plucked by mistake what should have just been admired!  Though I must confess.  The only confession I will truly ever make.  I knew this day would come.
I knew in my heart that this was the only way it would end.  You burned for me, your whole body and soul was aflame with me on your mind.  Now you have burned up at the peak of your glory.  Like a bull of gilded horns and pristine white fur, you have died for those who never will.
My beloved, this is not the end for you.  No, I know this as well.  Your love will not go unrewarded.  Soon you will wake up as usual but I have something planned for you.
You are mine and not my uncle’s.  I claim you here and now.  My lover, you will be with me forever.
Apotheosis! I did this to a tortoise once.  Now it’s your turn.  Let me bring you to glory.
I see you are stirring.  No, be easy, my love.  It’ll only hurt for a little bit longer.  It’s all part of the process. I’ll fix you.
Now you know how my brother feels at times.  Hush, pretty boy, bliss is coming. Down in the earth you may go but now you shall grow out of it! Your place of death will forever be beautified! Out from the Underworld you will see the Sun!
I know, the stiffening hurts.  That’s called cellulose.  Want to hear something wonderful?
You’ll make things beautiful just like how you made my life beautiful.
I bet my brother and girlfriend will love the colors you will make just like how I loved the colors of your soul.
Those vibrant colors that I loved you for. I knew from the very beginning that those colors must be mine. Now the whole world can see what I always saw in your form.  What was trapped inside is now on display forever.
Look. See?  This is you.  It always was. I freed you.


Communal Hymn of the Old Thiasos

God of guides and guide of gods, men, spirits, souls, and heroes!
Be kind and lead us to our goals and ends,
not just lead us on in your jokes and wiles!
May we honor you as door-opener, gate-crasher, road-walker, schedule-helper,
May we be blessed by you as thinkers, writers, speakers, commuters.
Traveling trickster, dearest stranger,
your talents are many, and no paths are closed to you.
May your luck move through me as I move through life, in harmony with the gods.
In your honor, I will speak with eloquence and greet the unexpected with grace.
God of the Road that is all roads, above the earth and beneath,
protect the travel-weary souls on your Road,
no matter where it takes them,
twist and turn the road beneath our feet to guide us where we must go,
drive us as the stolen cattle to the will of our fate-woven cords,
and carry us as messages to Hades when our road is done,
may we recognize you on the darkest paths that your work may be carried out in full.
Swiftest of gods, messenger divine.
As you carried away the crying child, guide and save the souls of the Forgotten!
May they find blissful life after dying.
I pray to Hermes of the staff and the fleet feet,
who guides us down and sets our feet on the path.
I [take action] for Hermes of the Starry Bull.

Don’t Blame Me
by Andrew Bayless

Well, here we are! Home sweet home!
Now if you’ll just rest here for a minute or two we can get started on your makeover!
You’re going to be such a trendsetter! Everyone will want you! Hell, I’m getting excited just thinking about it!
Okay, here we go! Now to just make some incisions here… Hey! What’s the matter?
What do you mean why do I have a knife? It’s to cut your insides out.
Of course I need to cut your insides out! What kind of resonating chamber has internal organs in it?
Hey! Don’t blame me! I already told you what was going on!
I found you outside and told you that it was dangerous for you to be outside because someone could turn you into an instrument! Including me!
I said “someone”, not “someone other than me.”
Watch, they’ll probably call me a liar for the rest of my life despite my first words being truthful and sincere. Everyone’s a critic!
Anyways, let me just… Oh what now?! Kill you? Oh I’m not gonna kill you! I’m just going to disembowel you and take out everything that isn’t shell. There’s a difference.
What do you mean there is no difference? Of course there’s a difference.
I (a divine being) am taking you (a tortoise) and making you a part of me.
By becoming mine, you and your kind (I’m taking you all with me) will be sanctified by my divine essence and will share in my glory! You will be in me and I’ll be in you! Kinda sounds hot, doesn’t it?
We’ll even give it a name! How about… apotheosis? Yeah, apotheosis! Doesn’t that sound swell?
Now hold still! What? Still not convinced? Oh c’mon, it’s my birthday! You’d make the perfect present!
Do you realize how important this is?! You’re not just going through apotheosis!
No, you are going to be the gate through which my divinity will flow into the world! Together we’ll change history!
Literally! See, that’s what I have in store for you. I’m going to turn you into just what I need to rearrange the cosmos to make it just the way I like it. But it’s not just for my benefit! No, you’ll get something out of it too!
You’ll be remembered forever as what started it all! Your sacrifice will be so memorable that future devotees of mine will write long poems about it!
And I should know about Memory because you and I will be Memory’s colleagues. You and I will be remembered and rememberers! How exciting! We’ll give this a name too! I like axis mundi. Yeah, that’ll make you the center of the new world! Won’t it be great? You’re my little block of marble that I’ll shape to be the pretty stone at the center of it all! See, you’re a stone! You’re already a part of me!
Now let’s get to work! Huh? Why you? What do you mean why you? Just look at you!
When I saw that pretty shell of yours, I knew that you were just full of potential! Deep inside you there is something wonderful. You might not know it and it might not look like it’s there but it is in you! Right in your gut. Which is why I have this knife!
This knife is not a destroyer but a creative force! Once I plunge it in you, you’ll not only have the useless stuff removed but you’ll be filled with a new purpose!
My hands will do you up just right and,
just when you thought it couldn’t get any more fun,
you and I will sing at the climax. You’ll find your voice and a wonderful song will burst forth.
A song that will shake up the stars and give us enough room to slip into our new place in paradise!
Wait a minute! Oh my goodness, I can’t believe I got ahead of myself.
What’s your name? You don’t have one? Then I shall give you a new one to go with your new role!
I shall call you Chelys and you will be loved by all. I’ll show you off to my big brother. I can’t wait to teach this kind of stuff to someone!
I hope Dad gives us a baby brother who I can teach as well!
But enough of that. Come, my dear, let us sing ourselves to heaven. You are the first I will lead to glory eternal!

Double Acrostic Prayer for Success
by Aridela Pantherina

Hermes, luck-bringer, kindly blesS
Enchant, shift and coalescE
Reality bend my will to forM
Mercurial messenger, open the dooR
Even the odds with twinkling eyE
Sweet son of Maia and Zeus on higH

Plentiful praises for Hermes
by Sannion

In gratitude let my lips pour forth praise
for Hermes, the wily one, the master of many guises
clever in his plotting, who wanders over wide ways
with feet so light they never leave a track
for the huntsman to follow. Ghost-like, shifting,
who flits through our thoughts and knows how
to carry off our deepest, most well-guarded secrets,
King of the land of Sleep who guides the
dreams like sheep through one of the two gates
to find their way to us while our bodies rest,
and with the same staff he uses to check
their step he can conjure illusions and
shape reality to his will, he can cause poisonous
roots to spring up from the earth and brew
strange philters to protect against the witch’s charms,
for Hermes is great in magic and the inventor of
powerful words. Those words he knows how to use,
to bend the rules of society and trick the canny
businessman out of his money. Hermes wants for
nothing for through hard work, cleverness, the
weaving of fine tales and simple treachery or theft
he can get whatever it is he wants and even
managed to sneak his way into the bed of the lovely
Aphrodite whose soft, warm flesh delighted him so.
Hail Hermes, is there anything you cannot
accomplish? If so I am ignorant of it.

Prayer To Hermes and Athena
by Andrew Bayless

Come, O great Hermes and Athena, the beautiful children of Zeus that edify the minds of humanity and encourage glory!   Craftiness and inventiveness, prudence and strategy, learning and wise counsel; these are the gifts of Atlantiades and Tritogenia!  Together, brother and sister unite to mold the minds of their pupils!  Hermes and Athena, most cerebral of the deathless Gods, furnish us with your gifts and guide us in bettering ourselves intellectually and bettering our community with our knowledge.  Accept our offerings, Hermes and Athena, and put us under your mentorship.  May all humanity become enlightened through you and your gifts.  Io Hermes! Io Athena!

To Hermes
by Amanda Artemisia Forrester

Of Hermes I sing, crafty Son of Zeus
The Trickster from Kyllene
Who wears the traveler’s cloak
With wings at His feet
And mischief in His eyes
The wheels of His mind are ever turning
The swift-footed One, herald of the Gods
He rules over the forum, and all commerce
The God of thieves and honest businessmen alike
He is the God of boundaries – though no boundary can hold him
Shepherd God, lover of many nymphs
Father of Eternal Pan, Goat-Footed,
Who plays His pipes in the Arcadian woods
And Hermes Hypnos I sing, as well
Who shuts our eyes at night
And brings sweet sleep.
With Hekate, Khthonic Hermes rules over the art of magic
Sorcereous God, I praise You too.
All these aspects and more, I invoke.
Let there always be song and wine for the Great God Hermes.

To Hermes
by Courtney Belyea

Hermes can speak the unspeakable.
Even the dead listen.
The impenetrable is pierced.
The impossible is possible.
The knowable is known.
Because He is knowledge, grace and intellect.
Golden winged one.
Whose heart brings life to every song.
With feather in hand, he writes the future.
Communicating with the most remote shades and strange unearthly beings.
To the high, glorious heavens and the celestial Gods.
Clever one, quick of wit.
Inspires human progress and quest for greatness.
For he is greatness, progress and he is the mysteries.
Of rebirth in death.
Of truth in lies.
Of divine trickery.
Son of the stars.
Who belongs to all worlds.
Child of the universe.
God of Greatness.
Praise to Him.

To Hermes
by Sannion

I sing of Hermes, the favorite of Backheios,
the wily one with mischief and wisdom in his heart.
He stands at the cross-roads, a pillar connecting the worlds,
whose foundation is in the underworld
and whose eyes survey all that transpires in heaven.
He is the lord of magic, the inventor of words and religious rites,
the trustworthy one who knows the secrets of the gods
and interprets their will for mankind

To Hermes II
by Sannion

Hermes, be with me as I journey,
show me the way,
and if I should need it,
don’t be averse to making the road twist in strange directions beneath my feet.
Yours is the realm of chance and unpredictability –
help me to see adversity as an opportunity,
obstacles as a way to demonstrate my cunning,
and never let me become so serious
and committed to my path that I cannot stop to roar with laughter at life’s absurdity.

To Hermes, god of the internet
by Sannion

Properly do we hail the inventor of words and cunning tricks,
Hermes, the slayer of Argos who saw and recorded all,
as the master of the internet, this invaluable technology that
lets us know what’s happening across the globe at all times,
lets us access the accumulated lore of ages past,
order anything our heart desires with the click of a button,
invent new ways to entertain ourselves
and new opportunities for thieves to exploit the dim-witted.
Round and round the information swirls like
electric shades guided by the snaky staff of the
far-famed son of glorious Zeus and kindly Maia,
until it reaches your computer, its intended destination,
not harmed or waylaid by clever miscreants.
For this we have Hermes to thank.

To Hermes, son of Night
by Sannion

Hail son of the Night, Herms of the long-staff, Lord of sleep
and beguiling dreams, who weaves worlds out of the
patterns of his words, keen-thinking master of many
wiles, who can always find the way out of the trap
and turn his enemies’ plots against them.
Lord of laughter, who delights in the unexpected,
and will completely rewrite a man’s fate just for
his own amusement, whose pranks are famous the world over.
Hermes, Master of commerce,
whose children are bargain and deceit,
you govern the rules of the marketplace,
and guide the fluid exchange of property,
be it in the form of the canny businessman
trading his goods for more than they’re worth,
or the clever thief carrying them off by night.
Ever faithful god of flocks, who keeps the
wolves at bay and guides the shepherd safely
home when the long day is done,
who cares for all strangers and those
who wander far from home
who fills our hearts with longing for adventure
and a thirst to see new sights, hail Hermes!
This song is yours in gratitude for the
kindness you showed me, and I pray my
lord that it is pleasing to your ears, but
if it strikes a dissonant chord with you, O Hermes,
I shall compose many others in your honor, for I
never tire of praising you my Lord.

To Hermes who wanders through many lands
by Sannion

Hail Hermes who wanders through many lands ever in search of knowledge
and the power to ensure his place in the gleaming halls of Mount Olympos.
Indispensable agent of Zeus on earth, who executes the will of his father
with swiftness and cunning, he who can slip into any house undetected,
talk his way past any sentry, turn a hated enemy into a bosom companion
who would lay down his life in defense of his new-won friend
with just a few well-chosen words and disarming laughter.
Yours is the wisdom of the heavens and the vast deep,
yours the power to weave probability into being,
to manipulate chance so things always come out as you please,
you are the one who can find whatever has been lost
and the secret stores of wealth.
And you are generous to those who are clever and daring,
willing to risk it all to improve their lot in life.
You know the shame of poverty and obscurity
and the ruthlessness it takes to claim what rightfully belongs to you.
Hermes I pray, aid me in my endeavors so that I may be in a better position
to honor you properly, and I will not forget — a boon begets a boon.